Being Present

David Hamper and I attended the National ACEL Conference during the holidays where we were privileged to hear from a range of insightful speakers. One of those speakers was Amy Cuddy whose TED talk is ranked number two in the world for the most watched. Amy is a professor and researcher at Harvard Business School who authored the book Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges.

Cuddy spoke about the importance of presence. Presence is defined as being authentically present and attentive when communicating with others. Being attuned to and able to access and express your authentic best self through your feelings, thoughts, and behaviours when you are interacting with others.

How often are we so caught up in the busyness of our lives that we only half listen and engage with our children, friends or colleagues? I know that I have been guilty of this. When someone comes into my office and I am in the middle of an email or working on an issue, I have to remind myself to physically turn away from the computer and to be present. Everyone gets distracted from time to time, but when this happens often, it can negatively affect relationships.

Researchers (O-Reilly and Hall, 2020; Pietrabissa and Simpson, 2020) assert that the last few years of imposed social isolation because of the lockdowns and coping with an uncertain world have compromised our ability to be social and connect. We have become more insular and far more enmeshed in the world of our mobile phones and computers. It is all too easy to check my emails when I am out to dinner with my husband or with my daughters and my beautiful grandchildren. Attracted by the alluring, siren ping of the mobile phone as yet another email appears! Yet, our family is so precious. Work will always be there, and we will always be busy but life itself is ephemeral. We need to remember to treasure and value the time we have with our families and no matter how busy we are, we need to stop, listen and be present. During extraordinary times with a high degree of uncertainty and irregularity, it is vital for all of us to communicate meaningfully with family, friends, and colleagues. Cuddy stated that “when you become present, you allow others to be present. Listening is crucial to presence”.

Hill (2021) affirms Cuddy’s assertions about the importance of being present. She provides a checklist of how to ensure that you are engaged and listening:

• Be here: Get out of your head and into the moment.
• Listen well: Reflect and paraphrase what you are hearing.
• Observe closely: Observe how the other person is feeling.
• Practise understanding: Appreciate the person’s context.
• Express common humanity: Let them know that you care by being present.
• Be authentic: Be vulnerable, honest and genuine.

We need to model being present for our children so that they learn to stop, notice and appreciate life and others. No technology or television at the dinner table just laughter and conversation. Taking time to play, go for walks, explore different locations, catch a ferry, take photographs… When we are engaging with friends and colleagues, don’t just ask them how they are but ask them a specific question that demonstrates that you know them, and you do really care. Charlotte Fox Webber wrote “The desire to be noticed has always been an essential part of the human condition”. It is the small things that matter the most in life and can make the greatest difference to our relationships with the people in our lives and ourselves. Being present takes so little effort but the ripple effect is endless.

Karen Yager | Principal